Occupy Marital Conflict

Like any married couple, Mama and Papa Fung experience tensions in their marital dynamic, much of which have been aggravated by recent financial stress. My dad, being the patriarch, has a tendency to be immediately contradictory whenever anyone suggests him to do anything. I've learned to handle it by ignoring him and then letting him come around to my ideas eventually. My mom, however, the (over)sensitive person that she is, has a harder time. So with my being at home, mom will use me as an intermediary. Yesterday, she asked me to help her translate something, which dad would actually be more equipped to do, given that he actually reads Chinese. While she was out running some errands, dad and I had a talk:

Me: Dad, can you translate this thing for mom? But we don't have to tell her that you did it. She wanted me to help her, so I can say that I just used Google Translate or something.

Dad: What? Why do we have to go through that conspiracy? I tell her I can help her but she just ignores me.

Me: She feels that you just dismiss anything she has to say, so she asks me for help now. And to tell you the truth, I don't blame her. She's reacting to more than 30 years of feeling as though you don't respect her.

Dad: So for 30 years she just feels oppressed? Like in Egypt?

Me: Hahaha, I guess so.

Dad: Then that makes me Mubarak! And this is her revolution!

Me: Um, if you want to use that analogy.

Dad: Hahaha... Okay. I understand now.


END.

Who's the Pimp?

Once again, I'm spending a large chunk of my summer at Mama and Papa Fung's house. As is the case with too many American families lately, we're struggling with money matters. I'm glad that in spite of all our anxieties over finances, we can still maintain some sense of humor.

Case in point: Over breakfast a couple of days ago, my mom talked about the buzz over the rumors that China's most famous actress, Zhang Ziyi, accepted $1 million to sleep with Bo Xilai, the former Communist Party chairman. This is the conversation that ensued.

Me: One million dollars? Why would she need to do that? She's rich and famous on her own.

Mom: Well, people are saying that she's been having sex for money for a long time. That's how she built her career. 

Me: I don't think that's fair. It's assuming that no rich and famous woman could have made it without whoring herself. Besides, what would she have to gain by sleeping with this guy?

Dad: Well, you never know what the politburo controls. You never know what you have to do to get your movie released. Especially in China.

Me: Is the dude ugly? I mean, if she was gonna sleep with him for money, I hope he isn't ugly. 

Mom: He's not bad, actually.

Dad: And he's very well spoken. 

(pause)

Me: Shit, one million dollars for one night of work? And the dude's not ugly? I might consider doing it!

Dad: Hahaha... Wow, money is on the mind. 

Me: And it might not even be a full night's work! The dude might pass out after three minutes anyway. Give me two shots of tequila, three minutes, and I could pay off this house. 

Mom: Hey, what kind of girl talks like this? And you're a professor?

Me: I'm a professor who'll never have one million dollars!

Dad: Hahahaha! Mom, would you have sex with someone for one million dollars?

Mom: I'd do it for half that. 

Dad: Yeah, me too.

Mom: Who would pay YOU? 

END.