My mom should be Jeremy Lin's publicist.

In response to my making fun of her for wishing that her children were successful like Jeremy Lin, my mother retraced her steps and said that she actually didn't care about how much money my brother and I make and doesn't really wish that we were NBA stars. Instead, she explained, she admires Jeremy Lin for his personality:

"He has such a great attitude. And he is so polite. He works hard and appreciates what he has. He knows how to treat people with respect. He is a very good person. He is clearly a product of a good upbringing. That is why I like him."

What I want to ask is, HOW THE HELL DOES SHE KNOW?

I'm hoping that Jeremy Lin will do what ball players are expected to do: Get all tatted up, have a few children out of wedlock, get caught with drug or gun possession or both, spend a grotesque amount of money on a monstrosity of a house that could be featured on MTV Cribs. That might be the only way I can get my mom to reclaim me as her offspring.

Damn you, Jeremy Lin.

Jeremy Lin is officially plaguing my existence. Here's how:


Me: So dad says that all you guys are talking about now is Jeremy Lin.

Mom: I told him I should have pushed you and your brother harder when you were kids. But your dad says I'm not a tiger mom. I'm just a mouse mom.

Me: I'm glad you're not a tiger mom.

Mom: And then your dad said that I didn't need to be a tiger mom anyway. So I said, "What, you don't think we could have pushed our kids more?" And he said, "No, they turned out good anyway!" Can you believe that? So arrogant.

Me: What are you saying, mom? That you don't think we're successful?

Mom: Eh, you two are average.

Me: Average?? Mom, average people don't get PhDs and become professors. Average people don't, at the age of twenty-three, become interior designers in New York City and support themselves.

Mom: Oh who cares? Plenty of Chinese kids get PhDs. Nothing special. Jeremy Lin is also twenty-three, and now look at how much money he makes.

Me: Mom, if you're going to compare us to Jeremy Lin, you are going to be very disappointed.

Mom: I wish you and your brother were like Jeremy Lin.

Me: ...

Mom: Okay, I have to go now. My Qi Gong class is starting! Bye!

END.

Linsanity, continued

Mom: Have you been watching Jeremy Lin? He's so good!

Me: Yeah, he's pretty amazing.

Mom: Maybe I should have pushed you and your brother to play basketball. Then maybe you won't be so short.

Me: If it works that way.

Mom: Also, why is it that even though I took you and your brother to church, you never kept your faith? But Jeremy Lin's mom took him to church, and he is still such a good Christian?

Me: Maybe we just like to defy you, mom. Even if you told us to play basketball, we probably would have done something else.

Mom: I should tell your brother to drink more then. He drinks too much!

END.

Mama and Papa Fung Catch Linsanity

Wow, so much has happened since I last posted on this blog, including the rise of Jeremy Lin, who has sparked mad excitement among Chinese and Taiwanese American folks in particular.

Dad: I told your brother that he needs to practice basketball now. And you should practice bowling.

Me: Why bowling?

Dad: Because you're terrible.

END.

-----

Mom: See, Chinese people can do anything!

END.